lauren elyse garcia is the ugly child.

Lauren Elyse Garcia is an ugly child turned woman in journalism who was once called a “LIBERAL” via scream by a man on the street. That same man then proceeded to compliment her leopard-print beret, which is, admittedly, very nice. In 2010, she was awarded the superlative “Most Likely to Succeed.” In 2025, she has dedicated her life to rock and roll and bad taste. Success is relative, etc. She currently lives in Brooklyn by way of the Rio Grande Valley.

Her byline has humbly made its home here.

Why don’t you come up and drop her a line sometime?